I am so fustrated and so confused right now. I am really hating my life. I just want to end it all, yeah, I know that is sounds so cliche and all, but there is just so much, and it is just so hard to go through with ever thing every single day. I am already failing one of my classes, and I pride my self on good grades, and I will be missing a week in October because I am a stagehand for a play at my school, and I don't know how I am going to be able to deal with that. I am also planing a Holoween party at my house, and everyone is just telling me how I should plan my own party, it is just so, just so fustrating that I don't know what to do, and I hate it, I really hate it.  And now I don't have a ride to school tomorrow, because, well just because, and I don't want to ride the bus, the last three years have been hell, they deal drugs on my bus and I hate that, and they make fun of me, and I laugh along like I don't care, and I hide my true feelings well, but it really does get to me. I really want to believe that everything will be alright. But it is just to hard. I will not kill my self but the thought has passed through my mind over thousands of times, and the only thing that is keeping me here is my dreams, and the fact that I don't want to be marked as a cowered and put that shame on my family. I just wish that an accident would happen that it would render me dead. My silly little dream, well it isn't really little, but yeah any way, I am a business owner, one of the big ones and I am a woman at that a CEO if you put it lamely, and I get married to my husband after my work goes off well, and we have a little daughter, and gosh, it is just so far off that I don't think that I could ever make it come true. My self confidence is shot, I realized that today when I had an automatic response when I was putting on eye liner in the car, and my dad said that I was one of the ones that didn't need makeup, and that I was beautiful with out it but I just said no I wasn't but I don't think that my dad heard me. And he was argueing with me a few minuets before that, and I really considered to start cutting again. I know that it is completely rediciouls to do such a thing, but is the only way my emotions can really come out. I broke down in my room a few nights ago, and of course I made sure no one would hear me. I didn't cut my self, but to hold back my screams that I was so sure would come out and alert my mother that I was crying like some lame weekling, I dug my nails in to my skin, it hurt yes, but not as much as it did under the surface. I know this might sound weird but thanks for reading this, if you are, though I doubt that anyone would care. But what ever I am going to go and do something stupid.

>VA

Yes! I can write again. The writers block has finally passed over my head. Thank goodness for I am seriously lacking in my stories. Well Like I have told yall over and over again, I am on Fanfiction and under the same screen name as here!! I love getting review and having people comment on my stories! Some people might say that I am a comment whore. Pardon my language.  Any whoo I think that it has to do with me moving my bed. For I am the nester type and, well, if I don't move my bed around every now and then, or my room around, I get restless, and fustrated. It might have to do with the fungsue of my room or something like that. Like the chi of the room was blocked where my bed was. and now it is all better

I have almost finished reading Twilight again, and well I moved my room around, I like to do that a lot someone once told me that my reason for moving my room around is because I am a 'nester' I can see that because of all the pillows that I have surrounding me every night that I sleep. It is like my own little cocoon. The bad thing about moving my bead is that while on my bed rearranging my pillows I sat on my knees and I put too much pressure on my bad knee and I blew it out aging, which makes that four times this year so far, which is really bad. I hate that I have this injury, because I couldn't tryout for Field Hockey like I wanted to. Now I will be asked my everyone why I didn't tryout. Though it is best that I didn't tryout I would have most likely blew out my knee even worse then I have now.

It has been a long while since I last posted a blog on here. Not too much has really happened to talk about so I will just start off with this...

 I have become completely obsessed with her books. Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse. I just finished reading her last boo of the series, Eclipse. And now I am reading the whole series over again. I just can't get enough of her work! I t is just completey amazing how she words everything, and how she leaves you hanging at the end of every book, and sorry for yall who haven't read Eclipse but she does it there too, and it made me so frustrated that she left it like that. I wanted to at least read how the wedding went, and how it turned out when she was turned into a vampire. I will probley end up reading her series twelve more times before school starts even though I know that I still have English books to read before school starts and we are supposed to have a test on the first whole day of class. I truly hate to read when I am supposed to read. For me that is like telling some one to place a steaming pile of crap in front of someone and telling them to eat it all and that they will be tested on how it tastes later. Ugh! That is no way my idea of fun!! Any way, back to the matter at hand. I adore Alice's character, I hope that I spelled her name right, I don't want to go through the book that is right next to me to look up her name. She is awesome! Her character is brilliantly discreet. Her past is hidden and yet her personality is so ecstatic. I love how she interacts with both Edward and Bella. The part I think that I love best is when Bella is telling Charlie about how Alice and Edward were playing chess and they were having such a hard time. How Edward could read her next move and how Alice could see what move he would make in the future. I wish that she would write another book, that would be great! I also heard that she is have her books made out into a move, which I am completely siked about. I just hope that the characters that I have set in my mind come to be portrayed in the movie. I hate how sometime when they make a movie from a book they change nearly everything, I hate that. They did it with Eragon. I couldn't stand fifteen minuets of the movie before I had to go out of the room. My friend and I have one of the same thoughts on that one.

On a side not, if you would like to talk about her books message me and I would be more then willing to chat with you.

Thanks and have a wonderful night!, VA♥

I finally pierced my ear, again. I can't wait for it to heal up. And nothing really exciting has really happened, except for the fact that I made my one-shot 'Regretful Heart Ache' in to a multi-chaptered story. I have gotten lots of reviews and, and a plethora of people have added me to their author alert and favorite story list. I think that it is quite awesome, since it is my second time doing a Hellsing/ Inuyasha crossover. That crossover isn't really popular, though I have to wonder why.